Signed up for NaNoWriMo.
It is amazing how seeing "NaNoWriMo loves xaralind" in the subject line makes me want to cry.
To hear "I love you" from a stranger is amazing, when sometimes it seems so hard to find love in your own family. You know it's there, of course, but just -- that it's so hard to tangibly pick it up and go "yes I know they love me" and feel loved.
Because more often than not, they break your heart.
I wish I could tangibly put my hand on love and clutch it to my chest and never let it go.
I don't hate you.
I wish there was a pill that I could swallow, that'd make the world bright.
沉睡了千年的身体
从腐枝枯叶里苏醒
是夜莺凄凉的叹息
解开咒语
遗忘的剑被谁封印
追随着箫声和马蹄
找到你
最光荣的牺牲 是英雄的宿命
挥剑的瞬间心却在哭泣
生是为了证明 爱存在的痕迹
火燃烧后更伟大的生命
杀是为了歌颂 破灭前的壮丽
夜是狼深邃眼睛
孤独等待黎明
看不见未来和过去
分不清生死的差异
不带走喜悦或遗憾
离开这里
破晓和月牙在交替
我穿越过几个世纪
只为你
桃花瓣在飘零 这悲凉的风景
长袖挥不去一生刀光剑影
生是为了证明 爱存在的痕迹
火燃烧后更伟大的生命
杀是为了歌颂 破灭前的壮丽
夜是狼深邃眼睛
孤独等待黎明
我是否已经注定
这流离的宿命
我残破的羽翼
直到你
是你让我找回自己
生是为了证明 爱存在的痕迹
火燃烧后更伟大的生命
杀是为了歌颂 破灭前的壮丽
夜是狼深邃眼睛
孤独等待黎明
----------------------------------------------------
My Chinese was much better when I was in P5 to P6 - I understood this song much more easily, I think? Gah, the shame. x) Prizes to those who remember where the song is from - I expect Jing Hui to know..? Haha, hopefully. This was from the first drama I watched online, ahead of time, even though it was showing on TV.
I miss listening to songs with lyrics in their original language, which can move me, so much. Stuff like再一次拥有，天灰，我也很像他，那年夏天宁静的海 and etc.
Haha, this is me being nostalgic. But I'm finally starting to move away from just completely feeding on a diet of JE music because that is seriously detrimental for the health of my ears, yeah.
I swear nostalgia comes over me too often, sometimes.
没有你的也特别的漆黑
只能比上双眼去感觉
没有我的也谁在你身边
代替了那个从前
我的天空今天有点灰
我的心是个落叶的季节
我不知道如何度过今夜
所有的灯早已经全都熄灭
后来你们之间的变化我不想再多说话
经过了相遇和挣扎我还是无法将他放下
那时多久后的事啦有一天你突然问我
在那个时候，是否也爱着他
我也很像他，我们都一样
在他的身上曾找到翅膀
只是那时的他，是因为你他开始飞翔
我也很像他，在某个地方
我少了尴尬，你少了肩膀
而夏天还是那么短，思念却很长
那时我们天天在一起
太幸福到不需要距离
很贪心，要全世界注意
只是太年轻快乐和伤心
都像再演戏一碰就惊天动地
今天，看你，昨天的你去了哪里？
那年夏天我和你躲在这一大片宁静的海
直到后来我们都还在对这个世界充满期待
今年冬天你已经不在，我的心空出了一块
很高兴遇见你，让我终究明白
回忆比真是精彩
And so on. =) Haha. This is me being random at 0040hours.
Family always cuts the deepest.
And, fuck, I can't stand you.
Yet still I feel sorry for you. One day you will lost it all. If you even had it, in the first place.
Maybe one day I'll lose it all too. Maybe it'll bite more because I did use to possess it. Maybe by then I won't really care anymore.
I'm starting not to, I think.
Why is it that romance plays such a huge part in our lives?
I feel stupid asking that question though, because I understand bits of it but I can't bother to put it down into words. Which I suppose, makes me not understand it as well as I think I do.
But I'll leave it at that as I shouldn't really be thinking about this right now because I need to be doing homework of which this plays no part in.
I'll save this discussion, or thought, for another time.
And thus, I end of this pointless post.
What Sarah Said
Death Cab for Cutie
And it came to me then, that every plan
is a tiny prayer to Father Time.
As I stared at my shoes, in the ICU,
which reeked of piss and four-oh-nine.
And I rationed my breaths, as I said to myself,
that I'd already taken too much today.
As each descending peak, on the LCD
took you a little further away from me.
Away from me...
Amongst the vending machines and year old magazines
is a place where we only say goodbye.
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
on a faulty camera in our minds.
I knew that you were a truth I would rather lose
than to have never lain beside at all.
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
as the TV entertained itself.
Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room.
Just nervous faces bracing for bad news.
Then the nurse comes round and everyone lifts their heads
And I'm thinking of what Sarah said.
Love is watching someone die.
So who's gonna watch you die?
---
I'm not sure if that was entirely correct as it was all by ear while the song was playing, but I did memorise the lyrics about a year or two ago. Thus. This applies for the next song too.
---
Goodnight and Go
Imogen Heap
Say goodnight and go.
Skipping beats, blushing cheeks
I am struggling.
Daydreaming, bed scenes in,
the corner cafe.
And then I'm left in bits
recovering tectonic tremblings.
You get me every time.
Why'd you have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you.
Why must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well.
Say goodnight and go.
Follow you home you've got your headphones on
and you're dancing.
Got lucky beautiful shot
you taking everything off,
watch the curtains wide open.
Then you fall into the same routine
flicking through the TV
relaxed and reclining.
And you think you're alone.
Oh why'd you have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you.
Why must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well.
Say goodnight and go.
One of these days
You'll miss your train
and come stay with me.
It's always say goodnight and go.
We'll have drinks and talk about things
any excuse to stay awake with you
You'll sleep here, I'll sleep there
and then the heating may be down again
to my convenience.
We'd be good, we'd be great together.
Why'd you have to be so cute?
It's impossible to ignore you.
Why must you make me laugh so much?
It's bad enough we get along so well.
Say goodnight and go.
I've been listening to DCFC again. Figured I should indulge in giving you the lyrics cause they do mean something to me, but ahwell.
---
Styrofoam Plates - Death Cab for Cutie
There's a saltwater film on the jar of your ashes
I threw them to sea, but the gust blew them backwards
and the sting in my eye, which you then inflicted,
was par for the course just as when you were living.
It's no stretch to say you were not quite a father but
a donor of seeds, to a poor single mother that would raise us alone.
we never saw the money, which went down your throat
through a hole in your belly.
Thirteen years old in the suburbs of Denver.
Standing in line for Thanksgiving dinner at a Catholic church
the servers wore crosses.
To shield from the sufferance plaguing the others
Styrofoam plates, cafeteria tables
Charity reeks of cheap wine and pity and
I'm thinking of you.
I do every year when we count all our blessings and
wonder what we're doing here.
You're a disgrace to the concept of family
The priest won't divulge the fact in his homily
And I'll stand up and scream if the mourning remain quiet
You can deck out a lie in a suit but I won't buy it.
I won't join in the procession that's speaking it's peace
using five dollar words while praising his integrity.
Just cause he's gone doesn't change the fact he was a
Bastard in life, thus a Bastard in death.
---
I typed all of that out. It really made me feel angry, a little, but that's that.
I figured I should Vox post since I don't even post on LJ, thus.
Watching 1 Litre of Tears just puts me in a mellow mood. I can feel the tears pricking at my eyes, and I can feel my hair stand on it ends.
I dunno why, but it just does that to me. And I like Ryo in 1 Litre of Tears. Eek, it just gives me thoughts worth thinking about, y'know?
Like how much you need to move forward. But I don't know how, damnnit. I don't know how to move forward, how does one grow anyway? Is it even conscious?
Some of it is, I suppose.
---
Dance today was fun. =) I was actually half good at it, yup.
